


These Four Kings: Summer

by escribo



Series: These Four Kings [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-10-03
Packaged: 2017-11-15 14:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escribo/pseuds/escribo





	1. July 1977

Sirius had been silent all morning and James was tired of the sound of his own voice. It was nerves, he knew, on both their parts. They hadn't seen Remus since right before they'd left Hogwarts for the year, Madame Pomfrey promising he was recovering but that his mother didn't want him to have visitors. For once, Sirius had listened, refusing James' offer of the invisibility cloak, saying only _he'll ask when he's ready._ James had thought that was bollocks. The trouble had already gone on long enough and James had decided that despite his history, he didn't much like trouble--not this kind, at least. So he owled Remus with a formal request, stuffing in as many forthwith's and posthaste's as he could manage before scrawling across the bottom, _please owl back and say it's all right, Moony. Pads won't come otherwise_. He had received a two word message back that same afternoon by return owl that said simply, _All right_.

Remus' house was the same as it always had been, though James had only been twice before and both times when Remus' father had been alive. The porch sagged in the middle and the blue paint was faded and peeling in places. There was a tangle of morning glories that twined their way over the posts, their flowers wilting in the early afternoon heat. James started up the creaking steps when Sirius shook his head and tugged on his arm, pointing him along a dirt path through a wild garden to where Remus sat sprawled on an old wooden chair beneath a spreading oak tree.

Remus was barefoot, his cotton trousers shiny at the knees and the cuffs rolled up several inches above his bony ankles. He was wearing a faded red t shirt that pulled tight across his thin chest, one James had bought in the stalls of a Muggle market and given to Sirius at least two Christmases ago. There was a battered cane at his feet, tossed there by an owner clearly reluctant or resentful to use it. He had an equally battered book face down on his thigh, its paper spine split so that James couldn't read the title at all.

"Hey Moony," James said quietly, as if Remus was a kind of bird that James was nervous about frightening off, and he quickly cleared his throat, knowing Remus would hate the image with its implication of fragility. Remus opened his eyes and blinked up at him, and then looked past James to where Sirius had stopped to wait at the corner of the house.

"My mum sent these for you," he said, shaking the tin of biscuits in his hand, and Remus mustered a smile that stopped at his lips. His eyes were as dull as old knuts, weariness etched into the lines of his face. He looked years older than seventeen and James remembered what Dumbledore had said the night of The Trouble, as he had dubbed it in his thoughts--that Remus had seen too much, lived too long, longer than most children who had been bit. That his life would be hard, harder than either of the other boys could understand. That he had to be protected. James felt the stirring of guilt twist his guts-- he was sure he had failed at that.

"I thought your mum would be keeping you to your bed," James said as he squatted on the ground next to Remus' chair, setting down the tin of biscuits, and smiling up at Remus. He could see the still healing wounds on Remus' skin, bright pink scratches that marred his face and neck and the deep red marks that gouged his arms, disappearing beneath the sleeve of his shirt. There would be others, he knew, worse ones on his chest and across his back, on his leg. Madame Pomfrey had said many would fade over time but some he would always carry.

"She's gone into the village with my aunt. They should be back soon."

"If Sirius had known that, he'd have likely come as Padfoot. He only didn't because he didn't want to scare your mum."

"She's more afraid of him just as he is."

"She knows, then, about--"

"No. She doesn't much care for you, either. It's just--" Remus fluttered his hand in the air and James saw that it was still bandaged from the moon only now just a few days past. "Wizards. That's why they went to the village. I told them you'd both be coming today."

"Oh." James wasn't sure what to say to that, only just knew that he didn't want to ask what that meant for Remus. He suspected he knew already. "Are you alright?" he asked instead.  
Remus nodded once, hard, but didn't say anything so James stood, walked around the chair to the tree, and picked at the bark with his thumb. He could see Sirius still at the side of the house, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at his feet. It had taken James nearly an hour to convince him that Remus' _all right_ had extended to him, too. "Can I tell him to come over?"

Remus shrugged and picked at the shredded paper on the spine of his book. The apples of his cheeks were faintly pink and James bit his lip, trying to remember if they'd been that way when they walked up. He'd never been as good at reading Remus as Sirius always had been. "He wants to apologize. Properly."

"I told him--"

"I know what you told him. He wants to do it anyway and he wants you to say you forgive him. He needs you to do that."

"There's --"

"Don't say it, Moony. You know how he is. You know what he came from. Just let him, yeah?"

"Tell me what happened at the Shack first."

James dropped his hands to his hips, looking away to where the wild tangle of flowers and weeds gave way to a sparse wood, and sighed. Remus turned his head slightly, enough to see James, James was sure, and James moved to sit on his heels at Remus' feet.

"Pomfrey said that I was lucky. She didn't understand how I survived. She doesn't just say things like that. It was bad. Did you do something?" Remus asked, and James shook his head. "Sirius?"

"You were dying."

"So what did he do? A spell?"

"Yeah."

"What did it do?"

James dropped to one knee and looked over his shoulder at Sirius, who was staring at them now, before he looked back to Remus. Sirius had made James promise not tell Remus, reasoning that it would be only just one more burden to a friendship already buckling under. James decided in that moment that he was done with secrets and promises that tore them apart rather than bind them together, and he looked back at Remus. "It was a resurrection spell. He gave you three years off the balance of his own life."

Remus paled, the scattering of freckles across his nose standing out on his suddenly bloodless face before twin splotches of red stained his cheeks. "Why?"

"He loves you," James said, and Remus looked up at him sharply. "We both do."

"If you'd been caught--"

"We weren't, but even if we had been, we'd do the same. He would."

"It doesn't change--" Remus said haltingly, his voice shaking as he tried to order his thoughts and his words.

"Of course it does," James said with more confidence than he felt. He stood and placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. "We made a pact, remember? Sirius was honoring that, even with what he did with Sniv-- with Snape. He wasn't trying to hurt you."

"I know."

"And you can forget any of this rubbish about protecting us from yourself. That's rubbish. You're our friend," James said with enough finality in his voice that Remus looked up to meet his eyes. "He's not going to say it but it was really stupid what you did, going after Grayback."

"I know."

"You could have told us. You didn't have to be alone with it."

"You've already risked enough for me, James. You all have."

"A bit of illegal magic? It was a lark." James let his voice go dismissive--flippant, though he knew that Remus knew better. "If you want to pay us back, let him make his apology and then accept it."

Remus held James' eyes for another minute and then nodded. James grinned at him, motioning for Sirius to come over and join them beneath the tree. He did so slowly, loping over with his hands buried deep into his pockets and his eyes on his feet. He stood there, his shoulders rounded and his hair falling into his eyes, looking every bit like Padfoot with his tail tucked when he'd been caught digging in Hagrid's garden. He hadn't had a good reason for that, either.

"You could have died," Remus said, his voice shaking but clearly determined to give Sirius no quarter. "What if you were meant to die next year?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he looked sidelong at James. "I'm not going to die," Sirius said when James wouldn't look back.

"You don't know that. You can't."

"Then I suppose neither of us would have made it."

"Was it dark magic? The spell you used."

"I remembered reading it in a book from my father's--at the library in Grimmauld Place." Remus sucked in a breath, knowing that was as good as an admission. Sirius ignored him, tilting his chin up rebelliously. Remus tugged at the leg of Sirius' jeans and then slid his bandaged hand into Sirius' when Sirius reached for him, even as he was falling to his knees at Remus' feet. 

"I wasn't going to let you die," Sirius said, the defiance gone from his voice as he folded himself over Remus' lap, clutching as his hand.

"Promise me that you'll never use the dark arts again," Remus said. Sirius was silent, unwilling, James thought, to make such a promise if it meant admitting what he'd done was wrong. Sirius, James knew, would sacrifice himself, first, sacrifice his soul rather than let his friends suffer. James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and squeezed, giving him what courage he could, and then, as James watched, Remus leaned forward in his chair to push Sirius' hair from his eyes, to lift his chin. "Promise me."

Sirius looked up and away, then back to Remus, his mouth a hard line. He seemed to spot the familiar lump beneath Remus' shirt at the same time that James did, and reached to slide his fingers beneath Remus' collar, to tug free the cord that held the misshapen tin knight with its raised sword. James knew that Sirius had given it back, tucked it into Remus' trunk before they'd left for the summer. Now, Sirius touched it, lifted it to balance on his fingertips, pressing the back of his fingers against the pulse point in Remus' throat. "I promise," he whispered, then cleared his throat. "I'll promise anything to you, Remus."

Later that night, Sirius was silent again, sprawled across James' bed as they listened to the charmed record player, but James let him be as he contemplated writing an owl to Lily. Things weren't exactly the way they had been before but they were getting better, he was sure of that, and he wanted her to know--wanted to confide in her in a way he didn't quite understand. The words wouldn't come, though, and instead he wrote a quick note to Peter, inviting him to stay later in the summer, saying that Remus would be there, too.

When he was finished and his owl, Aether, had raised her wings and taken flight through the window, he finally turned to Sirius and tugged on his ankle. "I'm going to see if there's any cake left. Do you want some?"

"Yeah." Sirius stretched and rolled to sit on the edge of the mattress but didn't make any move to get up when James stood. Instead he stared out the open window to where the moon had just risen. James sat next to him, quiet again, until Sirius shook himself from his mood and gave James' a small smile, the first bit of happiness that James had seen on Sirius' face in a long time, before Sirius turned to worrying at the cuticle on his thumb. "Thanks, Jamie," he murmured after a bit and James nodded. It was the last they would ever talk about it.


	2. August 1977

Remus ducked his head to inspect his shoes the moment his mother began to cry when Mr. Potter came to collect him. She sat at the kitchen table, a ragged handkerchief clutched in her thin hand as her sister stood over her protectively, treating both Remus and Mr. Potter alternately as if they were invisible or part of a sideshow. He had to resist performing a bit of magic just to needle her that much more, though his wand was locked up tight for the summer in his school trunk at his mother's insistence. She hadn't wanted him to go _amongst them_ , as she said, but Remus was determined. He pressed a kiss to her papery cheek, shouldered his bag, and followed Mr. Potter out into the overgrown garden. Before the pull of apparation took him, his last sight of the house was of his aunt and his mother standing at the door, his aunt's expression grim and his mother's frightened.

Remus stumbled as they landed in the field near the Potter's house, James' father catching him, steadying him with a hand to his elbow. Remus hated doing side along apparitions but had been afraid he'd splinch something if he tried it on his own. He hadn't dared it since he'd earned his license in May and he worried about the distance to James' house near Godric's Hollow, fretted that he wouldn't have the strength. Mr. Potter stood quietly at his side, seemingly mesmerized by a flock of starlings that rose up from the field and swooped low and around. He waited until Remus resettled the bag he carried on his shoulder and leaned a little less heavily on his cane. Only then did Mr. Potter smile and gently clap Remus on his back.

"All right, Remus?"

"Yeah, all right. Thank you, Mr. Potter, for--for coming to get me and all."

"My pleasure. The boys have talked about little else except your coming. They're likely still in bed, now, which is lucky for us. We'll be able to have a bite to eat before they clear the cupboards."

Remus followed Mr. Potter around to the back of the rambling house. He hadn't been since the summer before his father died when he'd come to stay for a week right after the summer holidays had started. Back then, Sirius' mother wouldn't let him come and it had just been James and Peter. This time they would all be together, though Peter couldn't come until the end of the week. Remus was nervous about the visit, about seeing James and Sirius again after everything, though he'd been relieved when the letters began to fly between them again, everything seemingly back to normal.

Of course, James rarely owled unless he was issuing an edict, as he said, about plots and plans for when Remus would come and for their last year at Hogwarts. Sirius, however, had become a constant and faithful correspondent, though Remus had never known him to send such long and detailed owls to anyone else before. His letters reminded Remus so much of the times they'd spent together before everything had gone wrong that Remus found himself homesick for Sirius, and, strangely, his father, who had been a great letter writer as well. Remus had spent one happy morning rereading all of his father's letters and then began placing Sirius' alongside them in the small, rough hewed box he kept hidden in his school trunk so that his mother or aunt wouldn't find and destroy them. He couldn't bear the thought of either of them reading the words that meant so much to him, even though they didn't contain secrets or any great wisdom--indeed, sometimes Sirius' were only just barely legible. Still, even just knowing what they brought, his mother hated seeing the owls, and would sigh and fret when she caught Remus tucking crusts of bread or bits of bacon into his pocket to give as treats. Remus, however, couldn't help the swoop of pleasure he felt in his stomach each time he saw Sirius' scruffy long eared owl tapping at his window, as different as he could manage from the stately eagle owls Mrs. Black forced Sirius to use when he'd been a boy.

The last letter Sirius had sent was tucked away unanswered in Remus' bag. Since their visit at the beginning of the summer, there'd been no mention of the things that had happened between them and Sirius had never again asked forgiveness--seeming to finally understand that he didn't need to, and Remus' thoughts had slowly found their homecoming in the things that had occupied him before. As he walked alongside Mr. Potter, Remus touched the mangled tin knight that he wore on a cord around his neck. He'd never asked Sirius why he took it, why he had worn it, or why he had given it back--what his sacrifice had really meant. He wondered if Sirius still thought about the kiss they'd shared, if he'd done it right, if they might do it again one day. He wanted to know if James knew, or Peter. He wanted to tell Sirius about Colin Edwards, and how it hadn't been the same as it had been with Sirius--that Colin seemed to be giving his best impression of a plimpy when he kiss. He wanted to ask Sirius if it felt like that when he'd kissed the girls he'd dated. He _wanted_ so much that he didn't know where to begin and was afraid that he'd muck it up if he tried.

Those thoughts scattered when they found Mrs. Potter in the kitchen, and she rushed to hug and kiss him, rubbing at the smear of lipstick she left on his cheek. She held him out then with her hands on his shoulders, looking frankly at the barely healed scratches that still marred his face. They had long known about his lycanthropy, Remus' father trusting them with the secret prior to the first visit Remus ever made to Godric's Hollow, though Remus hadn't known until years later. He was glad for that now, and he didn't feel pitied by Mrs. Potter's regard when she cupped his face, and asked, "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Better, thank you, Mrs. Potter."

"I've told the boys that they're not to run helter skelter--" Her words were cut off by the sound of James thundering down the back stairs, jumping the last three to land in the kitchen. "James Potter! How many times have I told you to walk down those stairs?"

James flashed a toothy grin at his mother before he spotted Remus and gave a whoop of joy. "You're here early!"

James and his mother were both laughing by the time James knocked into Remus and hugged him tight. Remus couldn't help but smile and hug him back. He'd miss this, how carefree James was, how open. It shocked him how much he missed it, and he had to turn his face away before James saw it there.

"Dad said he wouldn't go until this afternoon."

"Now, we talked about this James," Mrs. Potter started but James interrupted her again.

"He's fine, mum. Tell mum you're fine," James said, still grinning but his hands had gone gentle as he eased Remus into a chair, bending to plant a kiss on the top of his head.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Potter. Really!" Remus promised dutifully in his best prefect's voice--the one that always got them out of trouble.

"See? I'll wake Sirius. He'll be mad that he wasn't down first." With that, James grabbed Remus' bag where he'd dropped it on the floor and was off with a pop of apparition. A second later, they could hear him at the top of the stairs bellowing for Sirius and his mother sighed and laughed, shaking her head.

"Those boys," she said fondly as she buzzed around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. "You'll have to talk with them again Harold. I told them last week that Mrs. Lupin was worried they'd be too rowdy."

"It's really all right, Mrs. Potter. I like it. It's too quiet at my house," Remus said, and Mrs. Potter patted his shoulder.

"I'm surprised they're even up, what with working on the bike till all hours of the night. Sirius is determined to make it fly, have you ever heard of such a thing." Mr. Potter sat at the head of the breakfast table and smiled proudly though he was quick to frown seconds before Mrs. Potter turned to set a plate towering with pancakes onto the table.

"Don't you encourage him, Harold Potter. He'll break his neck, not to mention running afoul of several Wizarding laws."

"It's good for the boys, though they haven't even begun to work out all the charms they'd need. Not for lack of trying, of course." Mr. Potter looked suspiciously proud again, and Mrs. Potter swatted at him with her towel before she waved her wand to bring more bowls and pitchers to the table and began to pour coffee for both James' father and Remus.

Above their argument, which had more play than heat, Remus could hear James' footfall on the stair and another, softer, and knew it was Sirius. Remus concentrated on his coffee, adding milk and sugar, not quite ready to see him--or rather, quite ready but too nervous. Try as he might, though, he couldn't help glancing up as they came into the kitchen. James was dressed now and Sirius was trailing behind him, not quite awake but quick enough to nudge James away when he would sit next to Remus. Sirius took the chair for himself. Remus ducked his head again, hiding his smile and taking extra care not tap his spoon against the edges of his cup as he stirred his coffee. Next to him, Sirius was pouring his own cup, his leg jiggling in a familiar nervous gesture, and Remus reached beneath the table to put his hand on Sirius' knee to stop it, also so familiar. Remus thought he must have done that a thousand times when they sat alongside each other in the Great Hall, though never in the last few months.

Sirius went still beneath his hand for a moment before he gave Remus a sidelong look, his eyes beneath his fringe suddenly as bright as his smile. Remus felt that light, swoopy feeling again, like making a spectacular dive on a broom, and smiled back.

 

****

That Night

Sirius could tell that Remus wasn't _really_ asleep, just mostly, having long ago lost interest as James talked endlessly about Lily and Quidditch, once even wondering aloud if they thought Lily would _join_ the Quidditch team. Remus had laughed then, his eyes closed, and the smile hadn't left his lips as he lay still and quiet, curled around Sirius' pillow. Sirius sat next to him on the bed, with his back against the headboard and his long legs stretched out so that his hip brushed Remus' arm and his ankle touched Remus' knee. He couldn't stop looking at Remus through his lashes as he pretended to read a magazine. He kept thinking about how his pillow was going to smell like Remus, and how nice Remus looked since he let his hair grow long enough that it was curling over his ears and at the nape of his neck.

After what felt like ages, James finally stood to go to his own room, stretching and yawning before he flicked his wand to turn off Sirius' record player. For a moment, he stared at Sirius with his hands on his hips, waiting, it seemed, for Sirius to say or do something. Sirius studiously ignored him and flipped another page in his magazine, pretending to find an ad for carburetors to be fascinating.  "Should we wake him, do you think?" James asked, lightly kicking the foot of the bed.

"Just leave him," Sirius whispered, trying hard to look as though he hadn't planned this all since after breakfast that morning when the Potters had put Remus in the guest room down from where James and Sirius' rooms were.

Sirius had said nothing then but perched on the desk with his feet on the chair, watching as Remus carefully refolded and put away his clothes. There were two single beds, one of which would be Peter's when he came at the end of the week. After a bit Sirius had said, _you could have my room_ and then wondered why he'd said it aloud when Remus and James both turned to look at him as if he'd gone mad. The guest room was fine, a perfectly serviceable room. It had its own bath when Sirius had to share with James and his abundance of potions to control his ridiculous hair. The room was fine, and yet Remus continued to stare at him, waiting for some explanation for this lunacy, Sirius was sure. None had been forthcoming. Sirius had only just shrugged his shoulders and looked away as James closed one eye and smooshed his mouth to the side to look at Sirius with what was his "suspicious" face.

Now, with James finally in his own room, Sirius had to wonder what he was thinking, too--to have said it aloud. Still, he got what he wanted, even if he couldn't say exactly what it was that he did want. Remus within eye sight? Confirmation that Remus _absolutely, positively_ wasn't still angry? Something more? _It wouldn't do to think of that_.

Sirius huffed at himself and tossed down the magazine. He turned out the light, pulled his shirt off over his head, and curled up on his side next to Remus. He didn't touch him but only just laid there for a long time until he felt sure that Remus was asleep. And then, when he couldn't bear it any longer, he just barely stroked his hand over Remus' hair, touching the curls, and then rested his warm palm on Remus' neck before drawing back and curling his arm beneath his chest as he lay on his stomach.

 _Almost_ , his thoughts sing-songed. Everything could go back to normal now. They would be friends again, his closest along with James--they would be his family again. Sirius could take care of Remus when he needed it, and Sirius thought that maybe it would be enough, like it had been before. _Almost, almost, almost_ , he thought again, and smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

 

****

The Next Day

James _hated_ that Remus couldn't be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He'd spent nearly the last two hours outlining a new play he had dreamt about the night before, though Sirius had said it would never work. At his words, Remus had got that thoughtful look--the one that meant plans were afoot--and finally made a suggestion, a correction, that made the whole thing brilliant rather than ridiculous. James was glad he had Remus as a fellow marauder and plotter, and he really thought his team would be perfect if they could all be on it together. James had talked Peter into trying out again, convincing him that six times was the charm. Peter didn't fly as well as Sirius and his reflexes were nothing to James' own, but his weight would make him a good replacement as the Open Side Beater since Finnegan had left school. James had hated to deny Peter last year when James had first been made captain, but it couldn't be helped. Still, Remus would have made an excellent chaser--maybe even a seeker--since he was so light and fast on the broom. Or rather, he used to be.

James glanced up from his stack of parchment to look over the rim of his glasses to where Remus sat on the ground near where Sirius was working on his bike. Remus couldn't fly anymore--or he wouldn't, he didn't want to try. He'd been happy enough to use Sirius' wand to send conkers zooming across the field for James and Sirius to catch as they played but it hadn't lasted for long. Remus was still unsteady on his feet, especially when he was tired, but he hated his cane and often "forgot" it as they moved from place to place over the last two days. He only used it grudgingly when Sirius presented it to him. Sirius, in a strange show of patience, said to give him time, to not bother him about it, but James still hated it. He hated it for Remus.

Late that afternoon, Remus being tired was the reason they were in the old converted thestral stable where Sirius kept his bike. Sirius had a set of secondhand Muggle tools, too, which he used on the engine, assuring James that _loud_ was what he was going for--that it was suppose to sound like that. He was talking a mile a minute now, explaining to Remus was each part did and what had to be replaced still. Remus was leaning back on his hands and smiling placidly, like one might to a small child who was explaining how his favorite toys worked. That was close enough to the truth that James snickered into his sleeve.

"I'm going to make her fly, too, Moony," James heard Sirius whisper as he stroked the handlebars, and James hid another smile. Sirius hadn't had the bike for a week before he asked James if he thought that Remus would be impressed if Sirius could make it fly.

"Her?"

"You have to name them. They run better that way. James even named his broom."

"He didn't."

"Shut it, Pads," James said quickly, standing from his father's old workbench and catching the rolls of parchment he'd been working on before they fell to the ground.

"Please tell me it has nothing to do with Lily Evans."

"No!" But James could feel his face heating up. "Ask him what he named the bike."

"I'm not telling."

"You told Prongs."

"No I didn't. He made that up about naming his broom _Lily_ to get me to tell him but I wouldn't. Maybe when she's all fixed up."

"You said you could ride her now," Remus said.

"I can, but when she can fly--then I'll tell you."

"Are you really going to make her fly?"

"If he can work out the charms. Dad thinks that he has a book in the library that might help but mum won't let him give it to us."

"What do you think, Moony?" Sirius asked as he picked up a rag and slowly began to polish the chassis and engine cover.

"I think you'll end up killing yourself."

"And if I want to do it anyway?"

"He'll need an invisibility charm," James said. "Something he can push to activate so that he won't have to concentrate on it."

"You'll need one on lift and thrust first, something to make it weightless." Remus climbed shakily to his feet and Sirius dropped the rag in his hand to steady Remus, making sure he could stand on his own before letting go. They stood there then, the three of them, and stared at the bike.

"Something that would eliminate drag and let you fly," Remus said after a while. "I bet Lily would know a good book, and then we could find it in your dad's library. He wouldn't have to tell us that way."

"Evans?" Sirius scowled at the mention of Lily and James elbowed him sharply.

"Who else?" Remus said but he was laughing at them. "She did a special study on levitation charms in fifth year. It was the year that Flitwick let us do projects if we wanted, and you two didn't."

"Waste of time," Sirius said dismissively.

"We could invite her," James said, trying to sound casual. "For tea. Ask her."

"She won't come just because you crook your finger," Sirius teased.

"She'll be more likely to come with Remus here. I can use him as bait." James grinned at Remus but Remus didn't return it, didn't look at him. The idea of it seemed to startle him, his hand going self-consciously to one of the deep scratches on his cheek and his eyes went distant. James was sorry he'd made a joke of it, though it hadn't been much of one.

Sirius saw it, too, and tugged on Remus' sleeve, tugged him closer to where Sirius climbed astride his bike. "Come for a ride, Remus."

Remus shook his head but James could see the way the corners of his lips began to turn up. He watched as Sirius and Remus went back and forth over the roar of the engine about would he or won't but in the end Remus was firm. Won't. But he was smiling again when he said it, pushing James toward where Sirius sat on his bike, to take the ride in his place.

 

****

That Night

It was hot, that night, and after James left for his own room, Sirius opened the window and lay down to listen to Remus breath slow and steady in sleep. After a while, he turned to his side to touch the tin soldier that Remus had been wearing--that was his, that was Sirius'. He pressed the back of his fingers just barely against the pulse in Remus' throat to feel his blood thrum. He reminded himself that he was happy with just this. He could be happy with only this.

**The Third Day**

It was hot, the air oppressive as Remus walked along the dirt path between James and a very rowdy Padfoot. It had already rained once, leaving huge puddles everywhere, none of which Padfoot missed, and it was threatening again. They'd gone to the village and poked through the shops there, James treating them to ice creams before they walked back in the direction of James' house. Sirius had transformed as soon as they were out of sight of the houses, and had spent a better part of the walk chasing birds and rabbits from the undergrowth. They weren't ready to go back--or rather, Remus wasn't--and he'd persuaded James and Sirius to take the long way, though Remus was leaning more heavily on his cane.

Something had happened in the village that bothered Remus and made him move more slowly. James and Sirius had been in the front of the record store, searching through the 45s and arguing in hushed voices over whether to buy the latest Bowie or an old Stones LP or both. They hadn't noticed as a boy slightly younger than themselves followed Remus as he wandered toward the back of the store. Remus hadn't either until he'd knelt to dig through a remainders bin. The insult came as a whisper, and Remus hadn't even been sure he'd heard it right until it came again. _Freak._ Remus had froze, unsure of what to do or say, and it gave the boy time to move slightly closer, looking over his shoulder to where James and Sirius stood, and hiss, _what happened to your face, freak?_

"Do you want to sit for a bit?" James asked, interrupting Remus' thoughts.

"I'm fine."

"I didn't say you weren't, but Pads must have sore paws. He's been at it for ages." James whistled and Padfoot charged out of the woods with a stick in his mouth, dancing around them both. "Over here, we can sit by the pond. You'd tell me if something was bothering you, right?"

"I'm fine, mum."

"You were fine when we left the house. You've gone all quiet."

"I said I'm _fine_ , James," Remus said. Though his voice sounded irritated, he actually just felt resigned. He sat heavily on the stump of a felled tree and tossed down his cane. They'd walked longer than they'd meant that day, and his knee ached. It was a struggle to not let either James or Sirius know he was in pain, or that what the boy in the store had said had bothered him.

"All right," James said, holding up his hands in mock surrender, and Remus immediately felt bad for snapping at him. "You're fine."

"I just wish everyone would stop acting like I was going to break in the slightest breeze," he said irritably. "As if I'm weak, or something."

"We don't think that," James said, and Remus knew James was answering for Sirius as well.

Remus nodded but didn't say anything, didn't look up. He only just rubbed Padfoot's great head when he dropped the stick into Remus' lap. Remus knew what was expected of him--a game of fetch. They used to play all the time before.

"Don't encourage him," James warned as he stood and walked to the edge of the water. "We'll be here all day."

Remus nodded but still threw the stick until he was too tired even for that. Padfoot came to rest his chin on Remus' thigh when Remus sat back on the stump, and Remus rubbed Padfoot's ears until Sirius changed back. James turned to them then from where he had stood at the edge of the lake, skipping stones. He buried his hands into his pockets and watched as Remus stroke his fingers through Sirius' hair until Remus realized they had an audience and stopped. Sirius changed back into Padfoot.

"Pete will be here tomorrow," James said after he'd tossed the stick for Padfoot for a bit.

It felt mean to even think that he wished it could stay just the three of them, so Remus said nothing at all.

**Later that afternoon**

Sirius had come through the door into the Potter's kitchen first, laughing a little too hard at a joke that James had just spent the last ten minutes telling as they slowly walked home. He felt, somehow, that he had to make up for the fact that at some point between the village and the kitchen, something had happened whilst he was chasing rabbits. He was sure he had missed some important bits of conversation that he wished he hadn't, though James--through a series of silent head shakes and hand signals--said that Remus was _fine_ , that hated word. It meant he wasn't fine at all but James had no idea why not and he needed Sirius to fix it. Six months ago, Sirius would have known just want to do or say, and now he didn't.

So he laughed, walking backwards up the steps as he watched Remus navigate them carefully, and when he finally turned to push the door open, all the laughter fell from him. Lily was sitting at the table with James' mother, sipping tea and smiling in a strangely demur yet so very adult way. She'd grown, was his first thought, and he couldn't deny that she was quite pretty with her thick red hair braided and tied up with a blue ribbon. His second thought was that he was going to kill James.

Lily looked up when he came through the door, her smile disappearing as soon as she recognized him and Sirius started to say something and only bit it back when Mrs. Potter said, "Here they are, Lily. I was beginning to wonder."

He felt Remus poke him in the back of his leg with his cane to make him move, and Sirius stepped aside. James' hand was on Remus' elbow to steady him on the stairs, and Remus was smiling, his mouth open to say something, likely about the terrible punchline to James' jokes--they were always the worst but funny for all of that. Funny because James made them funny. The smile fell from him, too, when he saw Lily. She stood, cupping her hands over her mouth and gasping--Sirius heard her gasp--before she went to Remus and wrapped her arms around his neck.

It happened so fast and Remus looked so stunned that no one said or did anything for a moment--Sirius did nothing until Remus reached his hand out for him, spurring him into action.

"Let him go, Evans," Sirius said, barely touching her shoulder. She whipped her head toward him, the ribbon in her hair coming loose, and looked at him with such venom that he took a step back wondering what he'd done--if she knew. He narrowed his eyes, a response coming to him quick enough, and stopped only when James sharply shook his head once, warning him.

Lily turned from Sirius, back to Remus, touching his cheek. "I'm sorry, Remus," she whispered. "You didn't answer my letters, and I was worried. I came to visit you and your mum told me you were here. Mrs. Potter told me you were all right but--"

"It's okay, Lily," Remus said, but his voice was shaky and his hand was trembling when it finally curled into the front of Sirius' t shirt.

Sirius reached for him, ready to push Lily away but James got there first, put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her away. She gave a kind of funny simultaneous sob and laugh as her arms went easily around James' waist. Remus had this strange, frozen look on his face, as if he wasn't sure what he was meant to do. James and Sirius had another of their silent conversations--widened eyes, jerking their chins, a brief shake of James' head, and then it was settled.

"Is there tea left, mum?" James asked, bringing Lily back to the table and distracting his mother while Sirius slipped up the back stairs, pulling Remus along with him.

Remus followed Sirius quietly, and stood in the middle of Sirius' room as Sirius shut the door. 

"Behold the wretch," he whispered and then tossed down his cane, pushing his hand through his hair. He gave a hopeless little laugh, pulling away when Sirius reached for him.

"What's that supposed to mean, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Something that Severus said to me. _Behold the wretch, the miserable monster that you have become._ " Remus glanced at Sirius and then away. "He got it wrong, actually. It's a quote from _Frankenstein_. _I beheld the wretch, the miserable monster whom I had created._ I suppose it doesn't matter. I knew what he meant. I've always hated that book."

"When did Snape talk to you?"

"In the infirmary." Remus shook his head as Sirius' curled his hands into fists, and sat on the edge of the bed. "It doesn't matter any more. Lily saw it. The bloke at the record store saw. Everyone will. They'll know."

"Someone said something to you while we were out?" Remus nodded. "You have to tell me when things like that happen," Sirius said, his anger flaring up again. He stood over Remus, his hands on his hips, and stared down at the top of Remus' head. 

Remus didn't look up at him. He only just clasped his hands together and hung his head. "It's not worth it," he said very quietly. "Not worth you getting into a row about."

"You're worth it to me!" Sirius exploded, regretting it immediately. Even in jest he didn't like to raise his voice to Remus. He sunk to his knees at Remus' feet when he saw Remus' neck and ears go bright red. "You are, Moony," he said more quietly. "I'm not going to-- It's not going to happen like it did this year, yeah? No one knows, and Lily was just surprised. She wasn't afraid. She doesn't know."

Remus nodded his head slowly, still not meeting Sirius' eyes and Sirius wanted him to--suddenly needed him to. Remus pushed away from him, though, and stood to pace the room, reaching out to grab at the back of a chair and the wall to steady himself as he went. Sirius eased himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, watching him, knowing there was something else. Something more. He held his tongue, though, letting Remus decide if he was going to confide in Sirius--not asking him to. When after a few minutes, Remus spoke again, however haltingly, Sirius blew out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"How am I supposed to explain this?" Remus gestured to his face and the scratches that were barely healed. Madame Pomfrey had said that they would likely fade with time but Sirius knew they'd been caused by Grayback--they were cursed. He could have them forever.

"We'll think of something."

"It's more than that though. What happens when we leave Hogwarts? My mum thinks-- She said. I don't know, maybe she's right."

It wasn't anger that gripped Sirius this time, but fear. "What did she say?"

"She thinks I should stay home this year. She wants us to go live with my aunt."

"No!" Sirius was on his feet and across the room before Remus could say anything more. He took Remus' face between his hands, and brought their foreheads together, unable to bear the thought of Remus not coming back--of them being separated. "You have to finish. You have to get your N.E.W.T. levels."

"Nobody is going to hire me. Nobody is going to care if I --"

"You don't know that. It's going to be all right, Remus."

"You saying it doesn't make it so, Sirius. You can't always have everything you want."

"I know." Sirius pulled Remus into his arms and hugged him, and to his relief, Remus relaxed against him, his arms going around Sirius' waist. "I know that. Let's just get through this next year, yeah? It's going to be all right. I'll make it all right."

"Sirius--"

"I mean it. I _promise_. Just don't talk like that--all right?" Sirius held his breath until he felt Remus nod against his shoulder, and the world seemed to right itself again. For a long time, Sirius held Remus tight, unsure of what else to do or what this meant. After a while, he stroked his hand over the back of Remus' neck, tugging at his curls. "I can't believe your mum let you keep your hair this long."

Remus huffed out a laugh and straightened himself. "She hates it."

"I don't. I like it," Sirius said, smiling when Remus blushed. He wondered, just for a moment, if he could kiss Remus--if he should. If Remus would let him. He let the moment stretch out too long, though, and lost his nerve. "You look less like a prefect now."

"Good thing."

"I'm sorry--"

"Don't be. I really don't mind not having to try to keep you in line. Now we can just--" Remus laughed again and it sounded better this time, more like he meant it.

"Just what?"

Remus shrugged, still embarrassed, and slipped out of Sirius' arms.

"C'mon. You were tired. Lay down and I'll put a record on. Something you like."

Remus nodded and sat on the edge of the bed again. He kicked his shoes off and sat back, watching as Sirius picked out a record. It was Nick Drake, an old track--his last. Peter's brother had given it to them, saying it was rubbish. Sirius knew that Remus liked it, and he was glad he had kept it when he left his parents' house. He'd left so much behind.

Remus laid down, and Sirius pushed the window open. Outside, he could see James and Lily talking in the garden. She was smiling as she listened to James, who was gesturing wildly--telling the joke he'd told Remus and Sirius on the way home, Sirius was willing to bet. At the end, Lily laughed and the sound was high and pretty, like bells. James reached for her hand, and she let him take it, let him pull her close.

Sirius let the curtains drop and stretched out on the bed next to Remus. Remus was watching him, waiting until Sirius was comfortable, before he inched over and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. It didn't take long before his breaths became slower, steady, and Sirius was able to pull him even closer.

"I really am sorry, Remus," Sirius whispered in the pause between the second and third songs. "About everything that happened. It kills me to know how much I hurt you."

"It's okay, Sirius," Remus whispered back.

"No, it's not. I meant to protect you, to never let anything bad happen to you."

"You can't stop bad things from happening. No one can."

"I should have protected you better. I lost Reggie doing the same things--losing my temper, not thinking."

"You can't feel guilty about Regulus."

"I should have tried harder with him. I should have--"

"It's not too late."

"Yeah it is. He's--" Sirius stopped and closed his eyes. Swallowed hard. He knew Remus knew what his brother was but he wasn't ready to think about it--to say it out loud. "I need to protect you, Remus," he said instead. "As much as I can, at least. I was trying to."

"I know."

"I'll do better. You have to let me do better." Sirius drew back so that he could see Remus' eyes. Remus was smiling at him. His eyes were tired, but he looked happy. Sirius liked that he had made him that way. He thought that maybe everything would be all right, if only they could just stay like they were in just that moment. He almost said it out loud, too, but for the soft knock on the door before James stuck his head into the room.

"Pads?"

"Yeah, James," Sirius said as he lay back against the pillows and drew Remus' head back down onto his shoulder. James came into the room and crawled onto the bed to sit beside Remus.

"All right, Remus?"

"Yeah. I was trying to get Sirius to tell me what he named his bike," Remus said, and Sirius was surprised by the easy lie.

"I didn't ask her to come," James said quickly as he curled his hand around Remus' shoulder. "I only just owled her for the name of the book. She came on her own."

"It's okay, Prongs."

"I didn't want you to think--"

"It's okay, really. Did she know the name of the book?"

"She wrote it down. She also said she'd go out with me when we got back to Hogwarts.

"Did she?" Remus raised up on his elbows and looked back at James.

"You don't have to look quite so surprised. It was only a matter of time."

"And nearly four years of hounding her," Sirius drawled.

  "I know, but. It's like." James sat back and looked out the window, his eyes going distant as his thoughts turned back to Lily. "I'm going to marry her."

"Before or after the first date?" Remus quipped, and Sirius snorted as James' mouth dropped open before he laughed, too.

"I'm serious," James said as he swatted at Remus' shoulder. "I knew at the beginning of last year and now it's like she sees it, too. I'm going to marry Lily Evans. It's weird is all, to suddenly realize that this is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Who I'll have a family with. Who I'll grow old with. It's like turning around and discovering I've grown up all of a sudden."

The last of the sunlight coming in through the window glinted off of James' glasses and for a moment, Sirius could see it, too--everything that James wanted and hoped for. It was like when he first saw Lily in the kitchen and understood that she had grown--matured. That it was more than just being of age. That they were no longer children.

"It's weird is all. You two will be next." James grinned down at them, poking Remus in the shoulder.  Sirius drew Remus closer as if James was planning to tear them apart at that moment and make them find wives as well. James stared at them for a long time, some emotion playing over his face, until he took his glasses off and cleaned the lenses on the edge of his shirt, before pushing them back onto his nose. "Until then, we'll continue on with milk and fresh nappies..."

That was familiar at least. Sirius gave a yelp of protest and launched himself at James, knocking him onto the floor. They wrestled until Sirius was able to pin James down. When he looked back he found Remus leaning over the bed, laughing at them both. Sirius looked to James, who nodded once, and they both reached for Remus, pulling him down until they were a tangle of long legs and arms, still laughing and mock fighting until Mrs. Potter called them down to supper. 

 

****

Three days later

Peter had spent the better part of his summer holiday in London with his brother, who had a grotty little flat above an apothecary just off Diagon Alley. His brother had a job with the Ministry, though Peter didn't really understand what he did. It hadn't sounded very interesting but to hear his brother talk, it was extremely important and he hadn't much time to entertain Peter. Peter had spent his days poking through the shops and eating ice cream at Fortescu's until he'd run out of spending money.

He had wanted to go to James' sooner but couldn't because he didn't want James and Sirius to find out that he'd lied about the things he was doing. He hadn't meant to lie but it'd started so easily at the beginning of the summer when James had sent an owl to say they were going to visit Remus. Peter hadn't wanted to go. He was afraid of what Remus would look like, and he was worried that Sirius would remember that Peter hadn't gone with Remus the night it all happened and get mad with him all over again. It had been the easiest thing to say that he would be at the coast with his brother during that week, even though they never left London, and sorry he couldn't meet them. After that, he'd kept it up, sending short missives with bits he read out of Wizarding travel books he'd found in Flourish and Blotts. 

When he finally got to the Potter's house, he found Remus had been there for days and that he'd made up with Sirius. It was like everything that had happened never had, and Peter once again felt like the odd man out. In fact, the only thing that was different was Remus. He was quieter, if that was possible--distant with everyone except Sirius and James, which Peter had a hard time not taking personally. Over breakfast, James had told Peter not to worry about it--that he was imagining things, and then he'd tugged Peter out the door and into the field next to the house to practice Quidditch plays before Sirius and Remus even came downstairs.

It was late the next day--the day before Remus was leaving--when Peter discovered that James was wrong about Remus. They were in the village because Sirius wanted to go to the Muggle movie theatre. Peter was wearing the new flares his mother had given him and a blue button down shirt that had thin silver stripes like unicorn hairs. Shoved beneath one of the beds in the guest room was a new pair of boots with long pointed toes and levitation charms in the heel to make his legs look longer. They'd been advertised in the back of the _The Daily Prophet_ , guaranteeing that the wearer would appear taller, slimmer, and irresistible to women. Peter had begged his mother for the money, swearing that he needed it for school--that he was buying special books for his N.E.W.T. levels. She had never expected him to take any N.E.W.T.'s, much less as many as he'd been accepted for so she'd only sighed and lectured him about how long it took her to earn the nine Galleons that he needed though Peter knew she would take it from his stepfather's Gringott's vault and not work a bit.

Sirius had noticed the deceit immediately, his smirk firmly in place the moment his eyes had landed on the shiny fake dragonskin. It was only luck that Remus had come into the room at that precise moment, distracting Sirius by asking to borrow a shirt before Sirius could point the boots out to James. Peter had immediately taken them off after Sirius had led Remus out of the room and shoved them beneath his bed, putting his old shoes back on. He felt short and stupid as he walked along next to James who had grown again until he was nearly as tall as Sirius. Even Remus, shorter than either James or Sirius and covered in scars, was still taller than Peter and much leaner, managing to look more like some kind of dashing dragon keeper or Wizard of fortune than a scrawny seventeen year old werewolf. Peter swore to himself that if they weren't his best friends he would hate them all.

By the time they got to the village, Peter was in an even fouler mood. Despite what Peter thought of as James' late night confession of true love and marriage to Lily, it was clear from their teasing that Sirius and Remus both knew all about it and it hadn't been a confession at all. He couldn't say that to James, though--couldn't say anything to James because James had promised that this year Peter would be on the Quidditch team. Peter had already owled his mother to say that he would need a new broom. Besides, he wasn't mad at James, or Sirius either for that matter. Of course, Sirius would know. 

It was Remus who annoyed Peter the most. Since Peter had arrived, their entire days seemed to revolve around whether or not Remus wanted to do something. If he declared that he didn't have the energy to do more than sit in Mr. Potter's library and drink tea, then Sirius would refuse to go further than the run down thestral stable where he worked on his motorbike while Peter and James looked on. And then at night, if Peter hadn't pretended to fall asleep on Sirius' bed, then the three of them would have sat up all night without him, he was sure. He could tell by the way that Sirius kept saying Peter looked tired, and that he should go to his own room even though it was Remus who could barely stay awake. Sirius was always doing that, trying to get rid of him.

Looking over his shoulder, Peter watched as Remus and Sirius had an intense discussion as they queued to buy the tickets. They had their heads together as Sirius was pushing the strange notes of Muggle money into Remus' hand, giving him too much, Peter was certain. He knew without needing to hear that Sirius would try to pay for Remus' ticket and Remus would protest. Peter wouldn't have minded if Sirius had offered to pay his way. It's not like he had uncles dropping dead and leaving him tons of money. 

"We should have gone to London," Peter groused to James. "We could have gone to that club I told you about. They have girls there."

"There're girls in the village," James said as he stood reading the marquee. "Not that I've noticed much."

"Muggle girls," Peter said but regretted it when James sent him a quelling look. 

"What's wrong with Muggle girls?"

"I dunno," Peter mumbled. "I've never talked to any."

"You might like them, then."

"Sirius doesn't." Peter looked back over his shoulder. Remus was laughing now, swatting at Sirius' hand as he tugged on Remus' hair. "In fact, I'm not sure he likes girls at all," he said slyly, chancing to look for James' reaction. "Have you noticed, Prongs?"

James looked over his shoulder, too. Remus was at the ticket window now with Sirius standing at his shoulder, leaning into him as they talked to the girl in the booth. "Would that bother you? If Sirius liked boys instead of girls."

"I guess not. It's not like he's after one of us." 

James stared at Peter for a minute, his eyes narrowed in a way that made Peter feel particularly dim, and a little part of Peter wanted to scurry away. 

"I don't think he's much bothered," James said. "That's what I meant. I don't think he's bothered either way. Besides, my mum says it's what's in the heart that matters."

Peter frowned, unsure of what to say. He was actually quite sure there was nothing he could say. Peter hadn't forgotten that two years ago James hadn't been so open to his mother's advice. He didn't point it out but believed that if it had been Remus rather Sirius, then James would likely think differently. "We could have still gone to the club. I've already seen this movie."

"Remus can't apparate that far, yet."

"I though he passed the exam to get his license."

"He did but he hasn't really done it since then because of what happened. My dad practiced with him some this week and he's less worried about it but it's hard going to London, especially at the end of the day when he's tired."

"He could have stayed. He said he didn't mind. We could've gone, the three of us."

"Maybe tomorrow night," James said as he turned back to look at the preview posters behind their glass cases. "Remus is going home in the morning. Sirius will probably go with us then."

Peter knew Sirius wouldn't go--he'd already said he wouldn't--and if Sirius wouldn't go, then neither would James. "Anyway, there are girls there. Pretty ones."

"You danced with them?"

"More than, if you know what I mean." He did, by the way James' eyes widened behind his glasses as he looked back down at Peter. Peter puffed up his chest a bit, trying to keep his face blank--neutral, as if he'd been fucking girls all summer rather than just the one time at a party his brother had taken him to. She'd been drunk, as had Peter--though not so far gone that he couldn't get it up, and she'd kept calling him Pinkney-- _give it to me, Pinkney. Make me come._ Peter hadn't corrected her, and so hadn't been sure if she just got his name wrong or thought he was someone else all together. He didn't remember much else about her except that she had blonde hair, big tits, and stale breath. He didn't mention any of that to James, only just shrugged his shoulder, like it didn't matter if James wanted to hang out in dull Godric's Hollow with his poofter best friend rather than know the pleasures of London as Peter had. Before James could say anything, Sirius and Remus were back, bickering pleasantly, and James grinned at them, Peter's startling revelation forgotten. Peter forced himself to smile, too, and say all the right lines in all the right places, pushing down his anger so that it didn't burn so much.

Late that night, as Peter lay awake in the guest room--Remus having long ago fallen asleep--he found himself startled when James came into the room. Peter sat up as James sat on the edge of Peter's bed and grinned at him by the weak light emanating from his wand.

"What did it feel like?" James whispered, looking over his shoulder to make sure that he didn't wake Remus.

"What did what feel like?"

" _Sex_ , of course," James leaned in, lowering his voice. "Was it more than just one girl?"

"No. Just the one. It was just the one."

"Did you love her?" 

"No," Peter answered honestly. He hadn't loved her. He hadn't even known her name. At the end of it all, she'd rolled over and threw up on the floor. Peter hadn't known what else to do, so he'd stood, zipped up, and left, walking home because he'd been worried he might splinch something if he tried to apparate. "She was just a girl."

"That you had sex with. What did it feel like?"

"Wet," Peter said and then rushed on when he saw something like disappointment cross James' face. "Brilliant. Like wanking only better--a lot better."

James smiled then and patted Peter on the shoulder. "Way to go, then."

"I can-- We can go to the club tomorrow night and I can show you. I mean, we'll find girls. They're like that in London." Peter tried to sound confident, as if he had any idea. He was only too sure that if he went with James and Sirius that they would actually all find girls, especially if Sirius was in a good mood.

"I don't know," James whispered, looking over his shoulder again to Remus who slept on before he stood and tugged at the collar of his t shirt. "I don't think Sirius will want to go, and besides, I don't think Lily would like it."

"I guess not," Peter said.

For a long time after James left, Peter lay in his bed and thought about the girl in London until he finally had to get up to hide in the tiny bathroom, hoping he didn't wake Remus. When he was done, he slid down with his back against the door, his hand still on his cock. He didn't suppose that this year would be any different than any other year but it was their last and that had to count for something. He'd be on the Quidditch team, James had all but promised, and he'd find a girl so that they could go out: James with Lily and Peter with whomever--just the four of them.

When they left Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius would probably go their own ways, like his brother had with his friends. He never talked to any of them now unless they happened to meet at the Ministry. His brother said he got all new friends, like the bloke who had thrown the party. His brother had said that school stuff--kid stuff--didn't matter because what happened in the real world was more important. He'd said a lot of stuff before he disappeared a week ago, his mum telling Peter that they mustn't talk of it but that his brother was a hero. Peter knew his mum was full of rubbish. His brother hadn't been anything because if he had been, his name would have been in _The Daily Prophet_ and people would have been talking about it. Peter knew that his brother was just gone, disappeared down to Australia because he was worried about the war and their mum had given him enough gold to be safe. _Don't tell anyone, Pete,_ his mother had said. _At least I don't have to worry about you._ It was a long time before Peter got up off the floor and washed up before he crept back to bed. 

"You all right, Pete?" Remus whispered just as Peter pulled the covers back to his chin.

"Fine," he whispered. "Go back to sleep, Remus."

 

****

The last morning

The next morning, a large tawny owl brought the Hogwarts letter and an extra for James. He would be head boy. Sirius felt Remus go stiff at his side, a brittle smile plastered on his face as he congratulated James, before he shook his head and offered up another that sounded worlds more sincere. For a moment, Sirius thought that James hadn't noticed at all until their eyes met as James passed him the platter of bacon.

"I can't imagine what they were thinking," James had said. "McGonagall will have it back inside a month and give it to someone who deserves it more."

"Good man, Dumbledore," Mr. Potter had said. He was holding James' badge in one hand and the letter in the other, reading it for a second time before passing it along to James' mum. She smoothed it out and folded it carefully, beaming at them all in turn. Sirius had been glad when they were finally able to escape outside.

It took almost no convincing at all to get Peter to follow James to the field next to the house to practice Quidditch, but most of the morning for Remus to agree to climb onto the back of Sirius' bike. Sirius took them around the yard twice, proving it would stay upright, before he took off down the road. Remus held on tight, his arms wrapped around Sirius' waist, but he was laughing out loud, and Sirius would have gone on for hours if he'd had the petrol. As it was, he stopped by the river just outside of town and they watched it float by for a bit, Remus leaning back in his seat and Sirius' resting his elbows on the handlebars.

"I knew you'd like it," Sirius finally said, grinning over his shoulder, feeling something warm blossom in his chest when Remus couldn't help but grin back at him. "I really am going to charm it to fly."

"You'll break your neck."

"That what Mrs. Potter said." 

"We both like your neck."

"My mother would have said it was common to own a bike."

"You're the least common person I know."

"Which is a lot coming from a werewolf."

Remus shoved hard at Sirius' shoulder but he was laughing, laughed harder as Sirius started the engine again and it came to life beneath them with an earsplitting roar. Sirius drove them around until he was nearly out of fuel and they had to walk the last hundred feet to the old stable, Sirius using his wand to levitate the bike ahead of him.

After lunch, Mr. Potter took Remus home. Sirius, James, and Peter had gone to the edge of the field to watch them apparate away. There were nearly three weeks and a full moon until the start of the term, and Sirius tried to memorize everything about Remus in the moment just before he was gone--the way his hair curled and shone red gold in the sun, the way the t shirt he'd stolen from Sirius hung loosely on him, the way he smiled in the second before they disappeared and Sirius felt sure it was only just for him.

Sirius had retreated to his room, wanting to be alone. On his pillow, he found that Remus had left him the mangled tin knight still on its cord and a letter intricately folded to look something like a Muggle airplane. As Sirius unfolded it, he found it wasn't a letter at all, but a set of schematics filled with charms written out carefully in Remus' tidy handwriting. _Don't break your neck_ , it said at the bottom, and Sirius smiled, putting the knight back around his neck where it belonged. He suddenly knew that their last year would be their best yet and couldn't wait until September arrived.


End file.
